How it all began?

When I started working with parents of Neurodivergent young people back in 2013, I wasn't even a parent.

I wanted to offer ideas, support and help to support them to support their child. Whilst I had been working directly with many Neurodivergent young people, finding ways to successfully support them, adapting my approach and sharing this to staff, I had no frame of reference for what being a parent was actually like.

I have also reflected on this as a really helpful thing for me. It helped me stay away from judgement. How could I possibly judge someone for their approach to parenting? How could I know what I would feel. How I would respond. How the system might pressure me to act in certain ways.

To support someone to make changes, we have to try to understand what they are doing and why. To understand empathy is not 'putting yourself in their shoes' but understanding that you can't. Even if you did it would be you in their shoes, for however long you wore them. Not them in theirs.

Everyone's experience and perspective is unique and shaped by so many factors. Cookie cutter approaches just do not work and can at times be very harmful if used without instinct and intuition.

Having supported so many parents over the last decade, the unfortunate reality is that so many have felt so much judgement. The first thing I have to is create a space without judgement.

I can offer my own experiences, I can work with them to find things that might help their unique situation. I can offer an outside pair of eyes without the added challenge of emotional connection. I cannot allow them to feel judged.

We can't support change if we don't first connect with where someone is and why.